It's been five months since Charles and I were married.
Time is strange! Marriage is supernatural! I mean five months sounds like such a short amount of time but it feels like Charles and I have been married much longer. Maybe it's because God has made us one flesh, but definitely because I'm so in love with this man who has become my best friend. But, I was married before for nine and a half years to someone I loved very much and whom I considered my best friend. Nine and a half years is a long time and it went by too fast! How can that be? How can Five months feel long and nine and a half years feel so short? I love what the Lord has done in our lives but I struggle to understand the meaning of it all. How can I love Charles so much when I loved Kenny and still miss him?
God knows exactly how long or short a time it will take to accomplish His plans. His plan was to send Jesus to earth and after many years, at the appointed time, Jesus would begin His ministry. He would tell people that He was the light of the world and that only belief in Him and His words would bring salvation, eternal life. Jesus walked around healing people and raising the dead. He cast out demons and rebuke the pharisees. He forgave people and proclaimed the love of God to everyone. He did things and spoke words that no one has ever dared do or say before Him. And at the end of His astonishing ministry He gave up His life to become a sacrifice for our sins so that we could be forgiven and made new by His shed blood. His perfect blameless life is the only way to a right relationship with God and eternal life. God did it all, He created time and set in motion His masterful plan of redemption.
God created time. Time can be so hard sometimes! It relentlessly and faithfully ticks away. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says; "God has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end." I struggle to believe that sometimes. Everything is made beautiful? But it's true! God can take the most tragic broken lives and completely redeem them and make all the past hurts and regrets feel like a distant memory or a victorious recompense.
The problem we have is that even after our Red Sea has been parted and we find ourselves on safe ground, pain can still cloud our thinking. We remember how we suffered in the past and question, why did it have to be? We look at the consequences we still face because of our past and wonder, what if things had been different? Pain can start a ripple effect of negative thinking that leads to discontentment and ungratefulness even after the battle is over, turning manna from heaven into loathsome worthless bread.
What can we do? Trust God! Don't forget what He did in your life and the things He taught you! Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and be thankful! Learn how to be content with such things as you have! And never ever trust yourself! Grab on to faith and bravely march forward holding onto God's righteous right hand and pray, pray, pray!
That doesn't mean you wont feel sad and that there wont be difficult days. The pain is real but you can chose to carry it yourself or give it to God in faith and let Him lighten your load. Everyday we chose a way to walk, walk by faith not by sight. Walk knowing that one day Jesus is coming back and He will right every wrong and wipe away every tear and there will be no more death and no more sadness. Walk in love and that doesn't just mean receiving it means giving. Give your love away as Christ did. Abide in His word because the bible is living and active and it will accomplish the purpose for which it was sent to accomplish in your life.
I had to decide if I could love someone as my husband after Kenny died. There were times I was just lonely and there were times I was angry but I prayed a lot and I trusted God and waited to see what He would do. God blew me away with what He did! I know I don't deserve this incredible man God has brought into my life and my children's. Charles and I have a love that continues to grow even when I think it couldn't possibly get any better. That in no way discounts the love and happiness I had with Kenny. Instead it brings glory to God, I was given a blessing from God for an appointed amount of time and then God chose to take my blessing. Everything belongs to God first! And just because God is good He has blessed me again above all that I could ask or think with a man who loves me and my children as his own!
It's been five months. Five difficult, amazing, long, but short months. And the miraculous part is God knew all along. He knows our beginning and our end, He knows our joys and is acquainted with all our griefs! God is sovereign through the pain and sadness as well as in blessed happiness! The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.
Lord what an amazing life You've given me! Father help me to keep my eyes fixed on You no matter what may come my way! I can chose to be grateful or I can chose to be miserable. Everyday is a gift and my life belongs to You! Have Your way in me Lord. Thank You for teaching me and for never forsaking me! I love You, in Jesus name amen.
