The Cost of Love

Oh God help me please. I still feel this pain. God will it ever go away? Lord does Your pain ever go away? Do You ever have a day without pain? Lord You know all the worlds pain and You have experienced great suffering as You watched Your Only Son die for a world full of sinners. God how did You do it, why did You do it? Lord I will never understand Your love! I don't deserve Your love! No one does and yet You give it anyways.
Lord help me please to suffer well. I don't want to become angry or bitter. Lord I am still broken and I still need Your healing. Lord please heal my heart God and my children's hearts. I can't do this without You! I am weak. Thank You for hearing my prayer. My hope is in You Lord! In Jesus name amen.

I cannot do it alone;

The waves surge fast and high,

And the fogs close all around,

The light goes out in the sky;

But I know that we two

Will win in the end,

Jesus and I.

Cowardly, wayward, and weak,

I change with the changing sky;

Today so eager and bright,

Tomorrow too weak to try;

But He never gives in,

so we two will win,

Jesus and I.

I could not guide it myself,

My boat on life's wild sea;

There's One who sits by my side,

Who pulls and steers with me.

And I know that we two 

Will safe enter port,

Jesus and I.

~Streams in the Desert, L.B. Cowman~

A Fortress of Defense

This world can be a scary place. 26 people were shot and killed at a seemingly safe place just this past Friday. 20 of those people killed were very young children. If such a horrific thing can happen at an elementary school to innocent children, who can say they are safe?
This is just the most recent tragedy. Our world has seen countless times of senseless killings and natural disasters and wars and crimes and even accidents leading to death. Truly we are not living in a safe world!
I have struggled for most of my life with not feeling safe and searching for ways to feel safe. I looked in relationships and I looked to money. I trusted in myself to be my own safety. I had expectations of other people "having my back." The truth is none of that or any other idea we could conjure up would keep us safe.
It is in God that we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28) We didn't create ourselves so why would we think we could protect ourselves from anything? God alone sustains us even in some of the most horrific of conditions.

Hebrews 13:5-6

 Let your conduct be without covetousness;
be content with such things as you have.
For He Himself has said,
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
So we may boldly say:
“The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?”

Psalm 61:3-5

For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah
For You, O God, have heard my vows;
You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.

Romans 8:38-39

I am persuaded that neither death nor life, 

nor angels nor principalities nor powers, 

nor things present nor things to come, 

nor height nor depth, 

nor any other created thing, 

shall be able to separate us from the love of God 

which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

God is our only source of safety in this world but in order to experience His safety you have to have faith. 

Acts 16:31

 So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.”

Put your faith and trust in Him and He will lift you up.


Psalm 37:34

Wait on the Lord,
And keep His way,
And He shall exalt you to inherit the land;
When the wicked are cut off, you shall see it.

Just The Sound

Oh the pain that can be stirred up from just a simple sound. Much time may have passed between contact but just the sound of that voice can open wide the flood gates of memories and emotions. In Christ we are to forgive and be anger but do not sin. That quick little sound wave hits you and takes you under and for a moment you feel completely helpless and afraid. Then you grab hold of that old familiar feeling, anger!

It happens in a flash and you're right back where you started. All that time seems to be erased in an instant and you are right back in the thick of it all over again. How frustrating! 

Lord I am weak when it comes to certain people and places. I crumble and I lose my way. I need You God to keep me on track. I need You to be my steady rock, my fortress of defense! Lord I do not want to sin against You! Help me to know these triggers and prayerfully move forward prepared for the pain. Lord You are my only hope! In You I am made new! In You I can be strong. In You I know I am safe!